Parenting Dictionary

Naming the unspeakable horrors of parenthood, one word at a time…

Nap Blueballs:



Condition occurring when an individual is on the brink of a sorely needed nap, but is interrupted just before completion.  The baby is sleeping soundly, the house is silent and you yourself have achieved a rare and blissfully relaxing state of half sleep when the infant awakes screaming inconsolably, rendering you an irritable, sleep-addled mess for the remainder of the day.  The only cure for this affliction is a solid night’s sleep, to which you will not have access until the aforementioned infant’s 30th birthday.

example:  “I’m really sorry I set fire to your grandmother’s walker, I’m not myself today.  I tried to catch a catnap earlier but little Billy Bob woke up about 10 minutes in, now I’ve got a wicked case of nap blueballs.  Please, I insist you let me write you a check to cover the damages.”