Recently a coworker forwarded me a newsletter from a wine collecting website (wait, so you’re saying you procure the wine and don’t immediately pour the entire bottle down your gullet? Sounds crazy to me, but okay, I’ll go along with it…). This particular edition’s subject line read “5 Great Sipping Wines for Parents to Bring on Playdates”. Not sure if all their subject lines are equally as compelling, but this one certainly had my number. While I browsed their list of summery whites, the addition of a Spanish Txokoli made me realize that I need to step away from the 3 buck Chuck and broaden my horizons a bit. How could there be wines out there I’ve never even heard of? It hardly seemed possible. The article also got me thinking, while Moscatos and Rieslings are all well and good, there’s a whole world of distilled spirits out there. Perhaps we’d be wise to let the type of playdate dictate our beverage selections? Here are just a few examples of playdates greatly enhanced by the right libation:
1. “You Are NOT the Father” Fiesta
Gather a few of your closest friends (and their young’uns) to watch Maury Povich on the barely working black and white television on your porch. It’s simply the best way to enjoy a bit of fresh air without missing your stories! Extra host points if you distribute GPC Menthol 100’s for guests to enjoy while the children whip each other with broken car antennae.
Recommended wine: Lukewarm box of Franzia
2. Betty Draper Bash
While your husband is putting in those “long hours at the office”, repeatedly dialing his mistress and shrieking obscenities can be a real gas! It may not count as a playdate in the traditional sense, but little Junior’s nanny or an imaginary friend he’s created to cope with your brazen neglect both make excellent companions in impish merriment. They can even join in the fun by planting your expensive jewelry in the cleaning lady’s coat pocket – accuse her of lifting it and the excitement ensues!
Recommended cocktail: fine gin martini
Accompaniments: Valium, tacit resentment
3. Send in the Clowns
Gather up those tiny Juggalos and let’s head on down to the dark carnival of souls! There’s no time like the present for baby’s first Insane Clown Posse concert. Make sure to pack plenty of black and white face paint for all the little Big Money Hustlas in your group. No need to bring refreshments for the youngsters, soda is typically provided.
Recommended cocktail: Jack & Coke
4. Silicone Social
Invite all your super young looking friends over for an in-home spa party. No need to acknowledge the ravages of time when you’ve got the fanciest, most idiotic treatments money can buy! Make sure to confirm your booking with Demi Moore’s doctor well in advance to ensure there enough medical grade leeches for all your guests. Don’t worry about activities for the children. They’ll be happy as clams passing hors d’oeuvres, placing electrodes or administering syringes of black market Guatemalan Botox. You’ll get that Pete Burns forehead that is oh so chic this season and they’ll get a chance to showcase their superior hand-eye coordination. Plus it’s never too early for little Suzy to learn a valuable lesson about self-esteem.
Recommended cocktail: Dom Perignon mimosa
Accompaniments: beluga caviar amuse bouche, estrogen patches
In the event my suggestions fail to move you, please see the following link to the original article by snooth.com for a truly lovely list of low alcohol sipping wines. Cheers!